So first of all, I want to apologize. I created this blog for many reasons; keeping others informed of our adoption journey, keeping memories of all the 'stories' that come about along this journey, etc..., but the most important reason was to bring Glory to God through our story so that others might find healing, encouragement, support, hope, and faith in a Mighty God through our simple story. My hope was that others would experience God through seeing the fingerprints of his Masterpiece in our simple lives and our amazing journey with two of His creations on the other side of the world, and I haven't done a great job at that lately!
So I wanted to take a moment and give God some glory for the way He's been working in our lives amidst the chaos and dark times of our journey. It seems to us, in the midst of it all, that we made a wrong turn, have had to take a detour, or have broken down along the road and have been stuck for a while; but through it all God has never stopped and continues to move. We just have to 'choose to see' His moving and have that FAITH that He's still fighting for us.
I was writing a month ago on our other blog,
http://www.mattnterah.blogspot.com/ about our past year and all the transitions and things that have taken place just trying to keep people up to date on The Lee's :) and realized a HUGE PRAISE that I never even had taken the time to give God Glory for on our journey. So I want to take a moment and thank God for the miracle and blessing he gave us just this past month or so. As many of you know, Matt lost his job in March this past year, which forced us to move and have to sell our home. (Let me stop right there)...
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THANK YOU GOD FOR PROVIDING THE FUNDS FOR US TO CONTINUE TO SUPPORT 2 OF
YOUR CHILDREN WHILE WE WERE OUT OF A JOB FOR 3 MONTHS! YOU ARE AMAZING!
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Of course our adoption was the first thing that consumed our minds. What will this mean for paper work, funds, etc... To give you a little insight Matt and I took out a home equity account on our home in Muncie to pay for foster care fees for the past 2 years or so. Our thoughts were, 1. How are we going to have the funds to continue to pay for support and 2. How are we going to pay off this huge debt that will have to be payed off when we sell our home? God had it all worked out ahead of time.
About 3 or 4 months before Matt lost his job we were needing to do another fund raiser for our adoption. Instead of doing a fundraiser we decided to send out support letters to many of our family members and some friends. God blessed us with a little over half of our adoption fees to be supported for the next year through these family and friends. You see, I believe that God knew where our Journey was headed next and knew that we'd need those supporters to withstand the financial burden the next 6 months or so would bring.
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THANK YOU GOD FOR HELPING US DETOUR AROUND THE ROAD BLOCKS WE COULDN'T SEE COMING ALONG THIS JOURNEY AND PROVIDING SERVANTS OF YOURS WHO COULD HELP KEEP US ON THIS JOURNEY YOU HAVE TAKEN US ON WITH YOU.
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Our second concern, our loan that we had to pay off. We put our house up for sale and immediately saw God's hand at work as we had several people interested. It didn't take long for our house to sell (still waiting on closing), and in the midst of the quickness of it all I guess I never really stepped back and took in the AMAZINGNESS of what God had done! We had accumulated a debt of $10,000 on our home equity loan for misc. adoption fees and foster care support over the past 2 years or so. God blessed us not only by quickly selling our house, but allowing the sale of our house to pay off the morgage AND our $10,000 debt! HOW COOL IS THAT? I'm so ashamed for not taking a moment and praising God for how AMAZING that is! It was a major miracle that I over looked in the midst of all the chaos and confusion of my life and this journey. Cause you see, when we started this journey we had FAITH knowing that if this was God's path for us, then he would provide ALL the way! He would not allow us to be consumed by debt if this was His calling for our life, and He has proved faithful! I've learned over the past few months it takes CHOOSING TO SEE the goodness and blessings in all of our journeys when you feel like darkness consumes you and can't seem to stand or find good in anything. It's always there, we just have to choose to see it.
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THANK YOU GOD FOR BEING A FAITHFUL GOD WHO PROVIDES AND TAKES CARE OF OUR NEEDS IN THE MOST AMAZING WAYS! I'M SORRY I NEVER TOOK THE TIME TO SHOW YOUR GLORY FOR THE MIRACLES YOU PLACED IN MY LIFE AND ALONG THIS JOURNEY. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE EYES TO SEE YOUR FAITHFULNESS IN THE MIDST OF THE DARK CLOUDS ALONG THIS JOURNEY.
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The last thing I want to share came about kind of in a funny way. I got an email from a friend simply telling us her family and church family were praying for us through this difficult time of unknowns. I was extremely grateful! I know many people pray for us reguarly but at times it can seem like this road we are on is in the middle of a dessert and we're all alone traveling this long path with no end in sight. So it was refreshing to get this message as a reminder that we are not alone and God has an army of friends and family who are traveling right along side of us.
I replied back and got to babbling as I sometimes do and realized at the end, "hey, I should share this with everyone"! It's just my crazy random thoughts and ways God has been speaking to me over the past few months through others and my hope is that maybe through it, you can be encouraged in some way for the journey you are personally on right now...
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Thanks so much for your prayers! All the more all the better ;) It's been cool to see how God has given me so much peace about the whole situation. I know it only comes from him cause otherwise I'd be a basket case :) I think this baby girl coming soon was a major blessing from Him too. He knew I'd need her just at this time you know!
I've been reading a few books lately since Colten's in school now and it's just me at home, at least for a little while. It's amazing to me how God gives others words to speak through chapters in books that gives you insight and healing. One book, "In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day" (funny title I know) is a book about chasing your lions (things that back you into a corner and make your faith waiver.) It was a great book to help me heal from our experience in Muncie as well as give me a new perspective on this 'giant lion' that we"ve been chasing for 3 years.
Then Matt got me the book "Choosing To See" by MaryBeth Chapman about the tragic loss of their daughter. It's been a healing book to be able to see God's little fingerprints on their lives and how He's held them up in such an awful time and shown them glimpses of His glory in such a dark time.
And finally I've been reading a book, "Adoption Miracles" that is filled with stories of adoptions and the way God works in AMAZING ways to bring families together with His children who need love. It's given me a different perspective on why things go wrong with adoptions sometimes but always turn out to be a beautiful canvas of God moving the ENTIRE time even when it seems He's taking a 'break' from your plight. My favorite story was about a couple who had tried to have children and had several miscarriages. The thought of adoption crossed their mind but had heard horror stories of getting near the end only for the birth mother to change her mind and everything fall through, they couldn't risk losing another child, and they told God that. Eventually God was able to convince them to adopt, and they did only to get to the end, and ....you guessed it....the mother changed her mind and they were left mourning yet another child! They couldn't understand why and were so hurt until a few weeks later they got a call about a child who was available for adoption and everything was already completed, there was no chance of them loosing this one. So they adopted the little girl. 6 months later as the mother was holding her precious gift from God she got an unexpected call from their social worker, "Remember the little girl you were to adopt and it fell through?...she had a heart defect that the doctors never caught and she passed away this morning." The mother sad in silence unable to speak and instantly saw God's hand at work through the darkest time of their life when they couldn't understand why...God KNEW they couldn't deal with the loss of another child which is why he took that child away from them and blessed them with a healthy little girl. God's at work, fighting for us, even when we don't see it...we
have to belive in that and have FAITH!
With all that said, God's been blessing me with the ability to SEE he works EVERYTHING out for the good of those who believe in Him and his POWER AND MIGHT. I like the idea that Steven Curtis Chapman said in the book, It's like a HUGE canvas that God is painting for us. A beautiful picture, but right now we are so close to it, right in the midst of his brush strokes that all we see is blobs and colors swirled together and nothing makes sense and it seems as though it's all a mess. But as time goes by and we are taken back from the picture and we take small steps back we can see it all come together and one day we'll get to stand back in the distance, take it all in, and be in awe of God's glory and the miracle he was creating in the midst of the pain and chaos.
That's my faith right now, that's how I feel, I'm trusting in God through this situation and I have FAITH knowing this picture is going to be amazing. One worth framing for sure in our lives for the world to see. I can't wait till I have a 'completed miracle story' for the world to hear in a book. I can't wait for the chapters of God's words to spill out of me and be an encouragement to others for His Glory!
Sorry I've gone on and on :) I think I just wrote my next blog post :) ha ha! You really don't know how much we appreciate your prayers and petitions to the Mighty Father on our behalf! We love you and thank you for all your support, it's what keeps us going :)