Missing my Babies!

The last two days have been hard. I really miss the babies. All day during 'down time' yesterday I had to fight back the tears. I just wanted to be able to say Happy Birthday to Onah. Even to put a phone up to his ear and tell him...something! It just didn't seem right that I couldn't tell him. Then when midnight rolled around and to feel defeated like it's over I missed it! I missed his first birthday, that was hard.
Today didn't help much with the yucky weather! As I sat to do my devotion they were all I could think about. It seems like a million years ago since I held them. I've forgotten so much! Their smell, their squishy diaper, their little fingers wrapped around mine, I've forgotten it all and what it felt like. I miss them so much! I so badly want them home to do the things that mommies should do with their babies. I walk by their room every day and can't help but walk in and take a peek thinking of what it would be like if they filled that room with their laughter, even their crying, I don't care, just to have their presence. I keep picturing the day they are home and how much joy we will have and no more worries. I long for that day. A huge weight will be lifted off my chest.
I watch Colten play with babies and see how awesome of a big brother he is and wish he had that. I know he's going to love being a big brother and wish I could give that to him now. I wish he could play with his brother and sister.
Onah got the perfect birthday card yesterday, it was an airplane birthday card from grandma and papaw Lee and they wrote, "I wish we could fly you home"! Me too!! I will be screaming for joy when that day comes! I can't wait. I hope it's soon! Until then I continue to pray that God moves...VERY SOON! I know he won't give me more than I can handle, but I think I'm getting to my max here!